Pouring my energy day in and day out for nearly two years in to navigating life and grief work for the boys has been all I have known.
Trudging along with a Heavy Heart.
In the last few weeks leading up to Father’s Day weekend; personal HOPE and new life has emerged.
I accepted an invitation from a dear friend to participate in a Writing Weekend on Lake Michigan.
Excited to indulge in writing, I finally felt it was ok for ME to look forward to something outside Grief Land.
Oops. I soon discover it is on FATHER’S DAY weekend. (Rough is a gentle word for one of these days.)
I almost changed it. Shouldn’t I watch for signs of grief all weekend?
Nope. My kids did not get hysterical when I told them. Their INTENSE anxiety has not taken over their lives.
I know it. I see it. But they aren’t ruled by it.
Natalie and Breanne did their magic and cheered me on to go by tag teaming and sleeping over. Luke’s best buddy and his family provided a huge distraction with a visit to a Tigers/Twins game.
There are too many WONDERFUL SOULS to list them all that have a hand in helping me LISTEN to the call to write.
When this blog began it was about keeping people posted on our adjustment and the unending needs.
Then and now it remains about GRATITUDE. LOVE. LIGHT. AN OPEN HEART.
Choosing to seek LIGHT in a world of darkness is a constant habit; and I have tried to use this blog as a record of my effort and the TRUTH that LIGHT exists.
I am no longer surprised when the ‘signs’ God plops in my path emerge.
Today’s smile on my face was threefold. I didn’t want to tear away from the writing cottage and go to Mass but I felt God seeking me. I looked up the closest place casually.
A merged church….St.Patrick-St.Anthony….the phone number started 842…..
A GIANT hello from my IRISH father and Rames.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough.
Profoundly, the most beautiful scripture from the GOSPEL OF JOHN was read; “God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not be lost but may have eternal life.”
John’s words today; “LOVED the world so much” made me sit up.
I felt like a Holy Hand was clasping my hand in to His….
LOVE.
“SO MUCH”
The ONE who knows what we need, who loves us SO MUCH has sustained me.
Grief Land isn’t our home.
His grand love, which seems so far away at times is Our HOME.
When I sit in His love, my heart in no longer HEAVY. It opens.
When I accept an invitation to a retreat, my heart opens
When I trust my kids are ok away from me, my heart opens.
When I REMEMBER HE loves me SO MUCH, my heart opens.
When I opened the blue door to the blue writing cottage…
I stepped out of Grief Land.
Grief Land is not our home.
It never was.
Our home is in Him.
John’s eloquent and beautiful reminder of eternal life is the Light, the Love, the WAY to OPEN HEART through “So Much Love.”
Love, Light and Miracles 