“Resistance is Futile”

When I met Tony one of his adorable quirks was quoting obscure science fiction shows or the ever popular Star Wars and Star Trek film series. As we dated and then married he added to his movie/tv hobby of quotes.  He didn’t stop at Beavis and Butthead with his cousin Vince but added faith to his repertoire.

One series we used to watch was Joan of Arcadia (it’s premise was that a high school girl could see and talk with God).

He would text me or call me at the airport when he arrived home. I would have a glass of wine ready for him and the kids would be fast asleep.  After lugging in his suitcase we would settle in and watch or re-watch episodes. We would ponder “life” and “faith” and the mysteries we saw around us.

Entertained that the show depicted God as a child, a grandma, or a surly janitor we hung on the way writers would choose a new way to reveal God. Her exchanges with the way God “appeared” to her were always amusing to us. One scene hits me this evening as I recall the last night we spend as a family before his accident.

In this exchange young Joan is upset she is suddenly separated from someone God  (an expert double dutch jump roper) brought in to her life.

Joan: [referring to her new friend, Casper, a homeless inner-city kid who suddenly left without saying goodbye]

What a cop-out! You get me all wrapped up in her life, and now you’re not even going to tell me what happened to her?

Double Dutch Girl: [speaking as God] The connection you and Casper had – you think that’s gone just because she went away? Is your connection with Adam gone just because he’s with Iris? Real connections – they can’t be broken by time or space.

Joan: I wanted to help her. I – I wanted to get her a place, get her dad a job.

Double Dutch Girl: You can’t fix everything, Joan.

Joan: She’s my friend. I want to know what’s going to happen to her.

Double Dutch Girl: I know you do. But, sometimes, it’s enough to plant the seed, walk away, and let the flower grow on its own.”

Our collective connection with Tony will never be severed. I need to remember that. I need to remind myself that when it feels forever.

REAL CONNECTIONS -THEY CAN’T BE BROKEN BY TIME OR SPACE.

It is that truth  I embrace tonight.

Three years ago we took a sunset boat ride- just the 5 of us which we had never attempted. What we thought was the beginning of a new era. That evening-is still  etched in my mind. Zach was still a wobbly toddler. He enjoyed  his first non-crying ride. Ryan, usually cautious or boycotted the boat was letting the wind blow peacefully in his hair. Luke sat in Tony’s lap as co-captain as always. It was easy.

Exiting the boat we were all smiles. Proud of our growing and maturing boys, we anticipated more family rides. Stopping at Ritters  we picked out ice cream pints and made home made sundaes at our kitchen table. Happily, we all went around the table and shared what we were grateful for about the day.

I cherish that memory.

I also feel frustrated like Joan that God got me “all wrapped up in that life” we had and then it ended too soon.

Like Joan, I have wanted to ‘fix’ everything that has come as a consequence of his death. Many things I couldn’t imagine then affect us daily and new things pop up too.

Still, I am trying to grow on my own from the great seeds of faith Tony and I shared.  One seed we tried to plant was to be open.

That seed lead us to begin anew with John and sweet Anelise.

I imagine God is telling me right now;

“You can’t  fix everything, Colleen. You have flowered on your own. Keep on going. ”

(Friends, in honor of Tony-please- share your favorite movie quotes Tony re-hashed with me!)

Happy Birthday Rames!

Whenever I think about Tony’s birthday, I think of his  big 40th in Minnesota. It was his dream to be with all his loved ones. His immediate family and so many cousins and friends attended. He teased me that I gave him a party every 5 years and they kept getting bigger. For his 30th  I arranged for his parents and two sisters to shock him by meeting us in Chicago and going out for his favorite deep dish pizza with many of my relatives.

Minnesota was his peace. His happy place. He loved nothing more than being up north with his brothers, sisters, parents, nieces and nephews any chance possible.

It was tricky to get there very often but every visit was better than the one before.

One trip, Tony carried Ryan’s stroller all across bridges, up craggy rock steps and down steep hills so we could view the beautiful Gooseberry Falls State Park on a special trip to northern Minnesota.

My journey across the bridges of life continues but not without his light shining all around ever step I take.

It is a joy to celebrate the life Tony lived. Remembering how he valued nature, the peace of scenic landscapes keeps me connected to him in the limitless beautiful creation all around. He sends me undeniable reminders that HE is looking out for us even guiding us.

Today he would be 45. It would about that time I would plan another bash of some kind. Instead of feeling sad I can’t do that, I am enjoying the joy he is having in Heaven because he sends me blessings galore. I know he had a hand in my relationship with John and the boys solace in the love of someone with fatherly affection they can see and touch.

I love that Journey’s Memory Night coincided with Tony’s birthday.  My need for a celebration was given to me on a platter! I love remembering him. Yet, I appreciate someone else providing a place for me to go and share his memory. Luke, Ryan and Zachary all brought pictures and memories again. Luke brought a hat Tony gave him from a trip to Colorado and his Delta Air line Travel Miles card.

Seeing  Zach and Ryan go up and share things their Dad loved in front of a big crowd satisfied my need to celebrate Tony. Ryan ran up and said, “I remember my Dad named Tony. He loved his family and cars!” Zach stood up and said, “My Daddy Tony loved Mustangs!” They were full of joy. When his picture appeared on the slideshow they giggled and said, “That’s our Dad!”

Music has been one of the most achingly helpful parts of my healing and on these memory days I am more moved by how things come across my path. Tuesday night at Journeys this song was sung. Once again, I was sure I was not going to shed a tear. Three lines in to this song I was overcome. I enjoyed my tears. I didn’t try to stop them. Releasing love via music, lyrics, and beautiful sunsets will keep me real.

“…gone away with the wind

on a sunny morning in July

when it suddenly came

it was calling your name

and you left without telling us why….”

The why is always hard but Love heals us day by day. And until we meet again….

You are so missed. You are so loved. Keep shining your light on us!

 

J

 

 

 

Writing my way to Hope on Father’s Day Weekend

Pouring my energy day in and day out for nearly two years in to navigating life and grief work for the boys has been all I have known.

 

Trudging along with a Heavy Heart.

 

In the last few weeks leading up to Father’s Day weekend; personal HOPE and new life has emerged.

 

I accepted an invitation from a dear friend to participate in a Writing Weekend on Lake Michigan.

 

Excited to indulge in writing, I finally felt it was ok for ME to look forward to something outside Grief Land.

 

Oops. I soon discover it is on FATHER’S DAY weekend. (Rough is a gentle word for one of these days.)

 

I almost changed it. Shouldn’t I watch for signs of grief all weekend?

 

Nope.  My kids did not get hysterical when I told them. Their INTENSE anxiety has not taken over their lives.

 

I know it. I see it. But they aren’t ruled by it.

 

Natalie and Breanne did their magic and cheered me on to go by tag teaming and sleeping over. Luke’s best buddy and his family provided a huge distraction with a visit to a Tigers/Twins game.

 

There are too many WONDERFUL SOULS to list them all that have a hand in helping me LISTEN to the call to write.

 

When this blog began it was about keeping people posted on our adjustment and the unending needs.

 

Then and now it remains about GRATITUDE. LOVE. LIGHT. AN OPEN HEART.

 

Choosing to seek LIGHT in a world of darkness is a constant habit; and I have tried to use this blog as a record of my effort and the TRUTH that LIGHT exists.

 

I am no longer surprised when the ‘signs’ God plops in my path emerge.

 

Today’s smile on my face was threefold. I didn’t want to tear away from the writing cottage and go to Mass but I felt God seeking me. I looked up the closest place casually.

 

A merged church….St.Patrick-St.Anthony….the phone number started 842…..

 

A GIANT hello from my IRISH father and Rames.

 

And then, as if that wasn’t enough.

 

Profoundly, the most beautiful scripture from the GOSPEL OF JOHN was read; “God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not be lost but may have eternal life.”

 

John’s words today; “LOVED the world so much” made me sit up.

 

I felt like a Holy Hand was clasping my hand in to His….

 

LOVE.

 

“SO MUCH”

 

The ONE who knows what we need, who loves us SO MUCH has sustained me.

 

Grief Land isn’t our home.

 

His grand love, which seems so far away at times is Our HOME.

 

When I sit in His love, my heart in no longer HEAVY. It opens.

 

When I accept an invitation to a retreat, my heart opens

When I trust my kids are ok away from me, my heart opens.

When I REMEMBER HE loves me SO MUCH, my heart opens.

 

When I opened the blue door to the blue writing cottage…

 

I stepped out of Grief Land.

Grief Land is not our home.

It never was.

Our home is in Him.

 

 John’s eloquent and beautiful reminder of eternal life is the Light, the Love, the WAY to OPEN HEART through “So Much Love.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Talking about Trauma and Grief with the Community (Featuring Guest Speaker Luke!)

For the last few weeks I have been working with an amazing woman on staff at Journey’s.  Specializing in the aspect of trauma in her work,  she had the opportunity to present about this at a local community conference today at the Fetzer Center at Western Michigan University. Honored, she invited me and Luke to be a be presenters. With the over abundant amount of snow days I was not able to take Luke out of school to participate. However, the magic of technology allowed him to share from his perspective.

Watching the conference room fill up with attendees I looked at their faces and felt blessed that so many people in our community not only have dedicated their lives to a profession helping others; but also took the time to attend something that isn’t an easy topic. The concept of death in our society is uncomfortable and when you put the faces of children along with that- it gets pretty complicated.

Our presentation focused on our family and how the systems in our community were a part of our story. Starting from the shocking experience of discovering Tony had drowned, working with the police and rescue squad, following our story as it continued through adapting at school, diabetes and the stress of navigating different childhood grief stages as well as my adult role of complex life issues.    Sharing  when others “remember with us” as we go through the unusual added elements of grieving associated with trauma aid in the ongoing efforts.

Luke recorded a message about his wish to help grieving kids at schools by creating a “Grieving Room” kids can go and ‘rest’ or ‘make videos about their loved one’ and every Wednesday all the teachers and students would meet with Journeys teachers to help everyone understand grief.  I hope one day I might be able to post that on here. There were many wet eyes listening to Luke’s eloquent and unrehearsed recording of a room mimicking heaven, with pillows and a tv to watch videos of your loved one.

Our presentation was an opportunity for Luke and I to continue to remember Tony and grieve together. One night after the little brothers were quietly sleeping, Luke and I stayed up and made about 6 videos about his love for his Dad, the memory items we need to comfort us and his hope to one day be grief support leader like the ones who help at Journeys. As he climbed in to bed he said, “Whew. I need to transition. That was a lot to share.” He turned on relaxation music and we continued to talk about what it was like to dream about a grief room and more ways to help kids.

One of the most challenging things about any person grieving – but especially with trauma involved is that there aren’t many places a person feels comfortable. Journey’s here in Michigan is a phenomenal, key element to our lives. We have only missed one session in the 19 months we have navigated our effort to adapt to life with Tony’s physical absence.

Next week, we are blessed to be able to share the opportunity to bring someone with us to Journeys. There will be a presentation about the impacts of traumatic grief. One of the crucial aspects of Journeys is that it is confidential so it is rare this invitation is presented to us with the exception of a public event in November for Children’s Grief Awareness Day.

I spent about an hour in the car after the presentation overcome with many thoughts and emotions. Barely able to start the engine, I was shocked I didn’t cry at the slides of our family and especially the classic “Tony on the boat arms stretched out warmed by the sun”.  Able to get by biting my cheek once or twice,  I was shocked I could make it through telling our story without crumbling. In no way are we ‘on the other side’ of grief. In fact, we are quite certainly in the midst. Our children will be grieving again and again as they acquire new developmental awareness and stages. My effort to educate myself, research and provide consistent space for them at Journeys has been my driving force….I had to set aside a lot of time I used to spend on other things to keep this family not only surviving but growing.

Today was a little glimpse of how far we have come. It has been a fight. It has been beyond hard. Everyday is still one moment at a time.  A key element of seeing how all that effort has worked was that it took me until last night to remember to include the police and rescue as I listed off the headlines of our story. I never thought that would happen.

We don’t focus on the worst.

We focus on the blessings and the love that has surrounded us.

Much more in my mind is the love that has been unending among us and from people who don’t know us as well as those who count us among their dearest of heart.

The blessing of being Tony’s wife and mother of his children is something I “GET” to cherish- not a consolation prize of becoming a widow. Choosing to see what we are given in each moment as part of our story– whether glorious or heart-wrenching is our only hope. The price of love on the other side of life is grief. It isn’t as pretty as wedding day photos or a tiny new life arriving- but it is never the less a priceless honor.

Thank You again- and again and again to our loved ones who support us day in and day out…..near and far…. We Still Need You.

Thank you Tony Roemer- for Love Everlasting.

From my Heart

Dear One,

How does life find you this day?

We try to connect as often as we can.  

Picking up where we left off!!

You have a beautiful purpose in your life. I cheer for you when I hear of your good fortune. I pray for you when I hear hard times have fallen upon your world. When the blessing of time in your presence occurs- I could not be more grateful. I care about every aspect of your world.

I came across this poem in Family Christian store and I have been trying to spread it’s message as fast as I can.

Tree of Life

Life is but a Journey to find our way back home, but we are not created to journey alone.
We are connected like branches of His tree, I am part of you, and you are part of me.
God has sent us Jesus to help us on our way, a friend and true companion so we don’t go astray.
The Tree of Life was planted in Eden long ago, throughout the generations, God’s love still makes it grow

I am Part of You.

 You are Part of ME.

This love between us is BIGGER than we understand.

It was designed;

Our connection is not an accident.

 

Right now my part of the tree is really compromised.

 

 By My loss….

 

 

Still.

 

We are So Very much connected.

 

Adversity, in it’s pain and ache is a time of

REVELATION.

Last night as I was driving back from our long trip to Minnesota.

The end of the trip was treacherous, dangerous and our wipers iced up at points.

 Impossible to see….

ONLY what was Right in front of me. 

 

Every since Tony died that is what MOST days feel like.

 

Slowly-0h slowly- taking the greatest care to tend to what is in front of me….

 

Last night, I felt like everyone saw what I see in my grieving world-

 

Others were experiencing a view from my branch. 

 

We were fighting along, concentrating. Determined. Cautious. Hopeful.

 

Parts of the trip gave way to sudden brightness. CLEAR view suddenly returned.

RELIEF.

Yet, today the bad weather remains. It is all around us affecting so many.

 

Storms last a while. Effects linger.

 

Yet, we are not alone.

 

You—

are loving relief in our storm.

Your call when the ice builds up……weighing on my branches

Your visit when wind is whipping unrelenting…..

Your gifts to me and  the children at Christmas and birthdays-truly soften our sorrow.

Winter storms feel endless.

You are warmth in the Bitter Cold lonely times.

You are the JOY of safe harbor in a terrible storm.

 

I am seeing your life through my storm. My eyes are on you with love….with hope….

 

Trusting

 

in the foundation of our Tree of Life.

 

Lovingly, Colleen

My 42 Cents on Grieving (at the Holidays or special times)

 

My experience is just one little person in a big huge world. I am not an expert on grief- but I have had the assignment for better or worse to deal with my loss day in day out for almost 16 months.

 

On July 30, 2012 I would not have dared to write about grief even though I had lived and breathed previous losses of great magnitude.

 

Today, I feel thankful for those who have crossed my path with the willingness to share their story.

Friends have requested my permission to share this blog with others needing  support.

 

I begin praying immediately when a relative or friend tells me the news of another family facing loss.

 

Humbly, I feel called to share a few bits of  awareness as I have  struggled for comfort when it comes to approaching days….

 

Reading books, articles, following  grief experts and authors for the past year I  absorbed SO much.

 

What has been the MOST helpful to me is HOPE.

 

Little pieces of HOPE along the way. Sometimes, when I  can’t DO anything….

 

I can SEE it’s PRESENCE.

 

HOPE in the unexpected gesture.

 

HOPE in someone who calls me at just the right time.

 

HOPE in looking backwards at days I dreaded—- pain I felt….yet  HOPE EMERGED.

 

HOPE in the ONGOING relationship 

 

 

LOVE which remains……..LOVE WITH US ALWAYS.

 

HOPE that I can adjust to living in this world and the new people I meet with a spirit of openness.

 

I have learned to take the ‘wisdom’ in books…..the ‘suggestions’ of caring people and make a little

Colleen-Collection-Jar

in my HEART

 bits, pieces, and sparks of HOPE….

 

Below are some things you may read or hear. My suggestion is if they help- put them in your own hope jar in your heart and brush the rest off like crumbs that are in your way.

 

 

“It’s the anticipation that’s hardest.”

Depending on the context -there are time when this concept is dismissive; in the beginning it is ALL anticipation.

It is ALL hard and grievers struggle to keep astride on day to day tasks. Something that was once perhaps fun like looking at ornaments may now be the equivalent of trying to clean up after ants that have invaded and started crawling inside your clothing. “Are we done with this YET?”

Last year I didn’t know that I was going to be sad about certain holiday moments. Seeing the Advent wreath at Mass was actually harder for me than Christmas Day.

 

 

“If you have a plan when the day comes you will feel better”

This was true at times. When everything worked out….

I have small children. If a child was sick that could throw off the plan for me to ‘escape’ and get out of the house. If the sitter got sick or had commitments I struggled to rearrange my mind.

Most of the time I had a plan. The plan kept me busy planning. Many times the plan would fall apart…. Planning sometimes was a secondary drain on my limited energy. This may be really good, sound advice for someone who is not dealing with the foggy part of grief or who has a personality that really does well with organization despite grief. I was complimented all my life about my organizational skills. I am not completely disastrous at this but the glossy skill I had to keep everything in line is very much a memory.

 

 

“Do something different……”

There is a LOT of room here for stress.

Think of your NEEDS.

I am a BIG fan of things falling in your lap. If something different falls in your lap that fits with your needs it will work much better. My dear widow friend happened to be telling me about places she wanted to continue to go and places she did not. A place she still loved was going to make gingerbread houses downtown. I loved the idea because my NEED was to NOT COOK or CREATE some craft from pinterest on my own. Poof. The whole thing was provided and I could WATCH my kids smile and be happy. It was costly but very very fun which was a HUGE NEED for us.

“Remember”

Remembering your loved one is probably my Number ONE gesture of HOPE.  How this looks will be different for each person.   For our family, tangible memory items are the most effective. Luke wears Tony’s hats. Zach randomly yells out “Go Vikings!” Ryan carries a box of religious items around. I wear my wedding ring and Tony’s on the same finger. My small ring acts like a stopper on his bigger ring. At my nieces wedding the person presiding at the wedding remarked that wedding rings are an outer symbol of an inner connection. That INNER CONNECTION exists in ALL relationships we cherish. What helps at one time may be replaced by another memory tool later. Honor that inner connection…..your Way.

“Hope”

Thanksgiving, Christmas and all the events of  this season have already been making my heart weary and my body ache. My mind wants to participate but my body is telling me to GO SLOW. I am the worst at BEING GENTLE to myself. I KNOW when I am quiet and still the HOPE appears. Often, my friends and family are the closest sign of Hope. Luke finds hope in being outside with his friends. Ryan finds hope in the newest toys he can ask Santa to bring. Zachary finds hope in his soft blankets and snuggles.  Where I find the most tangible hope and where I KNOW if I lost my wedding ring or all the photos I cherish I would still be ok is in Adoration. Spirituality, however it fits in to ones world WILL be a SOURCE of HOPE. When you hear awkward things, or someone makes a poor joke—or when you are worried about money, food, life, or your kids…..Your values and compass for living will bring you back to HOPE.

 

Sharing 2013 Children’s Grief Awareness Day

Thursday, November 21 is Children’s Grief Awareness Day.

 

2012 was our first year sharing in the awareness the impact grief imparts on children.

 

Luke guest blogged on here about how he felt.

Relief filled me…..seeing how he could put in to words how important his Dad was to him. Our photographer friend Amy Deming took his words and created a beautiful image that captures how a child NEEDS to feel connected to his Dad despite the physical absence.

Much has happened to our family in a year. Re-involving ourselves with ‘normal’ life as well as dedicating ourselves to Journeys and healthy grieving.

 

“Life goes on?”

 

-Our Home needed extensive repairs

-Luke was diagnosed with Diabetes

-Tony’s cemetery marker design was completed

-Birthdays, Anniversaries, Weddings

 I want to teach my children that WE are not the ONLY people who have trials or struggles.

Our pain is not the center of the universe.

 

Yet.

For them to be able to:

Attend school,

Help another person,

Cheer up a sad friend,

Attend a party….

We  and so many other families we have met MUST do the work of Grieving.

-Attend Journeys

-Extra sleep

-Modify demands to manage the day

-Bowing out of big commitments

-Participating in memory nights with their grieving peers

-Talk about their Dad

 

Intentional time Remembering

is an aid for the sadness or hurt we don’t see coming.

Ryan and I went to the emergency room one night because he had vision problems. He was diagnosed with a corneal abrasion and we went to Culver’s to eat afterward.

 

Giggling at our time alone– “A Mommy Date”

 

Smiling bright to get his favorite dessert of ice cream….

 

Then…..BAM. Ryan’s shining face dims…..

 

Gazing  around the restaurant…in his 5 year old world he SEES.

 

Blandly, “Everyone else has Daddies.”

 

True or not, it FEELS true for him.

 

A well meaning peer  of Luke’s told him recently when talking about missing his Dad;

“You just need to remember that day on July 31.”

 

These moments are part of life.

We will see things that make us miss someone.

People will say things that hurt us.

Life WILL go on….

Life can go on BETTER.

 

The good news is that there are WONDERFUL RESOURCES we can use.

 

Our CREATIVE  world has developed so many healthy ideas to SUPPORT one another!

 

Race for a Cure, Light the Night, Cancer Families United, and so many more events, walks, runs, and charities exist.

 

Why?

There is a NEED.

 

Like the photograph that Amy gave our family, something GOOD will emerge from hardship, pain and hurt.

 

HEALING does exist.

 

If you are local to Kalamazoo you may want to consider taking some time to attend a speaker from the National Alliance for Children’s Grief. It will be held at 7:00 pm at the Hospice of SW Michigan Grief Support Services.

 

Not in town and need ideas?

Great Websites:

National Alliance for Grieving Children, Transcending Loss

Books:

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, Tear Soup

 

Those who have someone in their lives who have lost someone special to them NEED ongoing support from those who are in their daily lives.

Family, friends, teachers, child care workers, neighbors, instructors as well as coaches will all be able to take away helpful insights as they walk along side a young person who is grieving.

Our family is stronger for our tears, healthier for our memories….Children and teens who carry their loved one with them aren’t clinging to the past. They are allowing the love that they shared with that person to flow on through themselves.

Dedicated to ALL who grieve; big kids and small. ❤

 

New Old Grief

“Some people don’t come home.” -Ryan Roemer age 5; eating breakfast and fingering a Journeys pamphlet he felt compelled to take home with him the children’s grief group the evening before…..

 

Sitting in the Daddy chair we made just over a year ago; nibbling a toaster stick like many other mornings. Ryan paused and stated a fact.

Wednesday morning, October 23…new grief hit Ryan….adding  on to the old….

 

A year of living without hugs, laughter, presence…..

 

Our changed lives- he summed up in his one quiet statement…..profoundly new to his developing mind….

 

One doesn’t know how life will evolve. It just does.

 

 Luke’s Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis shocked us on August 5, 2013

 

Trying to regulate his night time numbers in those first days felt like a bitter gamer was hacking in to my life account once again.

Changing my password– two seconds after I made up the best, most clever combination — hidden securely in some obscure tiny glass jar ….only to have it smashed open again and again and again.

 

Trying to keep him from going in to a middle of the night diabetic coma on a crash course….a new era…

 

Luke’s sudden onset has been attributed to the stress of grief.

 

Stress and grief.

Grief advocates tell you time and again- you integrate grief in to your life.

 

Rain storms add water to a lake.

 

 We have added on to our lives more lessons- more awareness….more challenges….more gratitude….more love….

 

Not able to tell what drop is new and what was always there….it all combines.

 

Ryan’s words slipped out in to our dimly lit morning routine just as forcefully as Tony slipped out of this world.

 

You just never know.

 

He didn’t have to sit alone in that moment.

 

New grief—meeting Old abiding Love at the table we all shared countless moments.

 

July 30, 2012 we shared our last Ritter’s  as a family at that table…ending the night with a round of thankful memories from each member…..

 

October 23, 2013. Luke pricks his finger for his morning  blood test…. Ryan shares his heart….

 

New, Old, Grief…..

 

Immeasurable Love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Super Hero Son

Luke was diagnosed on August 5, 2013 with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes.

News of this diagnosis came in the middle of Godchild Faith Week and the one year anniversary of the 9 day span between when Tony was lost and laid to rest.

Luke has done an excellent job of learning quickly to adjust to taking his blood sugars and even administering his insulin.

Yesterday we got a call from DeVos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids requesting to have Luke come immediately for care. We caught Luke’s condition so early that he has been able to remain outpatient. Today was a draining and exhausting day for both Luke and myself. We are early in the stages of education and adjusting his insulin doses and learning how to keep him safe.

Everyone has been so wonderfully supportive, caring and attentive as we have begun to share this condition and how it impacts our family. It is very understandable that you and your child who is friends with Luke has questions.

The physicians have given us a crash course of common misconceptions and concerns people may wonder about with this disease and I myself was unaware of many of these details even though my godson has had diabetes since he was 14.

A Snapshot of Juvenile Diabetes for you and Children who love and support Luke:

1. You can not catch diabetes.
2. Diabetes is not a child’s fault for eating too much sugar. It is an autoimmune disease.
3. Luke has not had diabetes for more than a few months at most; Type 1 is triggered by either a virus or stress. The stress of losing his father is most likely the source.
4. Luke is getting excellent care and his wonderful staff at school is keeping him very safe.
5. Keeping Luke “safe” is important; however, Luke is a child who has diabetes- not ‘a diabetic’. It is very important he be seen as a normal child who loves to play, run and be with his friends.
6. Luke uses needles to test his blood sugar before meals, when he feels ‘off’ and at bedtime. He must take insulin by injection for a period of time before the pump can be considered. It is at the discretion of his doctors to see when he may be ready to consider it if ever.
7. Luke is able to go and play with friends. We will simply go over the safety plan and I will be involved to work the get together carefully around his schedule.
8. Luke is actually feeling really good now that his blood sugar is under control but he does have days when he has physical activity or exerts a lot of energy there is a certain protocol we are learning to adapt to and he gets wiped out easily.
9. Luke can do everything he did before.
10. Encouragement, supportive words and prayers will help Luke adapt to this immensely! Losing his father comes with the natural consequence of feeling different. Dealing with diabetes makes for another burden.

Thank YOU for your love and constant care in our lives. We pray in thanksgiving that we are blessed with excellent medical care, amazing family and friends and the blessing of each new day.

Each of you are at the forefront of our prayers for all you carry in your lives.

Much Love, Colleen