A Fairy Godmother, Kind Souls and a Blessed Boy

The Roemer Fairy Godmother, Sandi has recently recruited help from local people and beyond. When Sandi heard about Luke being inspired by 42 she placed a call to our local cinema where the movie was held at Crossroads. Her inquiry to get a movie poster evolved in to sharing the story of Tony’s death, the importance of “42” to our family and many ways Luke was moved by Jackie Robinson in the movie including changing his final oral report and book study to Jackie Robinson and dressing up in a “42” baseball uniform for his presentation. As they concluded their phone call, the manager at Celebration said he would look in to seeing if a poster was available. Some time went by and she figured it wasn’t looking good until a phone call came and simply asked her come by the theater. Sandi was told when she arrived that our story was shared with the corporate office and they generously sent Luke a life size movie poster, a “42” movie water bottle, t-shirt, baseball and seat cushion. Sandi floated in with her fairy wings with all these items just in time to surprise Luke as Father’s Day is around the corner. A phone call set in motion a great surprise and timely validation that as we keep seeking hope and opening our hearts to this new life- others care deeply about the life a boy with a lot on his heart. Witnessing his surprise, wide smile and  laughing excitement as he tells the story to the next willing listener is hard to describe.

Luke worked hard to make it through 4th grade this year. While he didn’t steal home like Jackie Robinson or bring civil rights to a nation;  as a child grieving, Luke’s efforts may seem simple. Yet, as those who have grieved know firsthand, ordinary tasks are mountain like.   To persevere by completing assignments or stand up in front of the class when his body is exhausted from the complex emotional roller coaster of anger, pain, confusion and longing makes this connection to the movie on an emotional level.  The thread with Tony and our own 42 story is unreal as we unwind the ways that we have felt connections. This gesture isn’t just about objects but the love and compassion behind people who reach out to someone struggling and seeking hope in this world. You send a positive, lasting message with your choice to recognize what a child like Luke endures. You Make a Difference.

A Day in the Life of Grieving

Special days are hard both in anticipation as well as living out the moment. Even aware as I am- this doesn’t fit in to a prepared preventable manner. Saturday, January 19 I woke up grateful I didn’t have to do the busy morning school routine- but it was still a big day for Luke. Now a Webelos Scout, Luke had his first Pinewood Derby that afternoon. If you know Luke even a little bit you will know that anything to do with a car would rock his world. Mr. Santoro, (Natalie’s Dad) had generously assisted him in his fall shuttle derby and was kind enough to partner with Luke again.

6 months ago, taking the three boys somewhere in public would have been not an option for my energy- but I am gaining more strength  so I looked forward to seeing them cheer for their brother. Arriving at the church community building, I felt a sudden grief stabbing. Oh, ‘you’ again- the jab of absence. I had shaken the tiny prick of it when I picked up the car keys and thought, “Tony would be driving us today-and he would be peppy teasing Luke about the big race….”I cut it off mid thought- “not now!” Yet, as my car turned in to the lot, the reality of seeing a ‘whole’ family get out of their SUV, smiling and with little hops in their steps- made me realize the stab wasn’t going to be pushed away today. Daddy isn’t here. He wasn’t here for the last 180 days we ate breakfast, lunch and dinner….and I didn’t dwell on that every time I touched a plate. But certain moments- the Grief Jab is unavoidable. Our bodies can only take so much and there is a purpose to the Jab.

As I allowed the Jab to hit me- instead of distracting myself- I just noticed it- and saw how the dull gray sky matched my inner bleary heart- how the kids slow movement out of the car mirrored the sudden energy dip I was feeling myself. Entering the community room, I felt happiness for the day but also lost- like choosing a table was a complicated decision. How to hang the coats seemed clumsy and time consuming. The grief Jab had now settled in- and instead of pain, I started to feel release- similar to when a sink might spill over- the opening of a drain suddenly takes the intensity and fear of overflow down. As I started to settle into the Jab- I breathed. More vulnerable in the midst of a Jab- I can only explain backwards what happened next from having reflected on this day.

Luke’s  Webelos group was announced to set up their seats and be called for races. My face became flooded with tears. Blessedly, God placed two loving people right beside me- Nicky and Sandi allowed me to crumble into them during an unexpected moment. Nothing had even happened! Luke didn’t win or lose or even put his car on the starting peg. My body- just simply responding because my brain was busy caring for my little ones and paying attention to the stations being moved every so often. Our physical beings react even when we  command silence upon our thoughts and emotions. Tears erupted- not a tiny trickle- but what seemed an unending, PUBLIC geyser. My first time crying in a public place in front of people I barely knew- another new milestone achievement I didn’t know I would experience. I begged Sandi to say something inappropriate or Tony-humor-related. I needed a fast transition as the race was a moment away. Their hugs, jokes and support got me through another  grief event- I realize I will not be able to avoid public weeping forever-saving it for Journeys or a private talk with a friend is unrealistic. My best efforts to prevent such things are not completely in my control. If my body says its time to acknowledge pain- it needs to come forth.

The races were called, Luke eagerly popped up each time he was called and never lost heart if his car wasn’t first. He enjoyed the moment! Ryan was snapping away on the video camera even races Luke’s car wasn’t in and in the end, Luke didn’t make the finals but he had a super time and was so excited about the car he made with Mr. Santoro he just zoomed over to the practice track to keep racing it down the big lane.

Despite the awkward, uncomfortable Jabs of grief- God has placed so much support around me and the boys-when we do all we can to be ready and grief Jabs hit-the presence and support flowing around us gets us not only through-but allows the Jab do ‘to its thing’ and acknowledge our loss. Tony wasn’t with us. It is massively hard. It will continue to be painful. But, we are not alone. Caring friends have not shied away from my hurt or the children’s pain. Our loved ones have joined in our memory sentiments- Luke’s friend Charles added “42” to his car and it is those little touches that make our hard days seem manageable and we can be encouraged to let the love we cherish keep flowing.